Dear Depression.

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Photos Taken By Me Thank You Beck For Allowing Me To Take Your Photo.

Dear Depression,

I’d introduce myself to you but I am pretty sure we know each other well enough, sure your not actively in my life anymore but as a teenager you seemed to be my only friend.

If I didn’t want to eat you wouldn’t force me, if I wanted to sleep you would sleep next to me, if I cried you would sit with me, if I wanted to die you would discuss the possibilities of how, if I cut you would tell me how deep, if I’d burn you’d control how long, if I was confused you would tell me how, if I got high you would make me numb, if I got drunk you’d be the burn I felt in my stomach and throat.

Yes it’s true you seemed like the only friend I had even though everything you dragged me through was essentially bad.

Though I’m older and more adult than before I still struggle with you at times and fall on the floor, and like you always do your dark embrace cuddles me there. I realise that being friends with you is something that I really shouldn’t reap.
Unfortunately though sometimes you swallow me hole and again I feel the emotions i felt once before.
When I was a 14-year-old girl trying to embrace the world, this time it’s different though I know the way you work so for a while I may fall under your demise but I promise you this old friend I will not fall within the abyss.

I will not let you take my hands, I will get up when you want me to sleep again, I will eat the food on my plate and this time I will keep it down and not vomit it up to lose some weight.
My skin is far too delicate to cut or burn so put that lighter and razor down there is no need to feel the burn.
I don’t need someone to cry with for I have true friends that cry with me and take my hands, they listen to me and comfort me too but they don’t have the harsh intentions, that was only you.

Depression you see it is time for me to say Goodbye to you, You may of succeed when it came to other people’s battles but for me you won’t do.

If your or someone you know is suffering with Depression please contact Beyond Blue on – 1300 22 4636

Life Is Stunning In Black & White.

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I don’t think I have mentioned this before in any of my other blogs as most of my blogs that i have are based on my writing but I am and have been an aspiring Photographer from the beginning of the year.
Whilst battling with my panic and mental health issues last year i was referred to a mental health program for young people, there they help you define your goals and help you to live independently whilst living with a mental health condition.
If you have trouble with getting to appointments or need support to be somewhere they will come and pick you up and take you to the places you need to be and stay with you if need be.
Whilst diving into my goals and passions I realised that I had always had a love and flare for photography but hadn’t really ever given it a proper shot.
One of my support workers owned a professional camera and offered to take me out for supports to take photos and learn how to use a professional camera properly.
I remember holding that camera for the first time and thinking to myself “Omg I love this, I can actually see myself doing this as a career!”
Every support I went to I was always taking photos and started to make a portfolio of the progress I had made.
As days and weeks went by my medication started to work and kick in and taking photos became a daily occurrence for me, it was also giving me a reason to wake up in the morning and to be excited about.
I knew TAFE courses were going to commence soon and I was getting really sick of not doing anything with my life so I looked up some photography courses that were taking place at my local TAFE and I applied for the Diploma Of Photo-Imagining.
My beautiful Mother brought me a Cannon 500D DSLR camera for Christmas, God bless that beautiful woman and I was ready to go!

Above Is a photo I took at Swansea Caves Beach that I really love and would love to share with you, let me know what you guys think and if you like these type of blogs.

Until then, – Rach. ❤

Sorry!

Hey guys!

I feel like i owe you all an apology because i was meant to of been writing daily blogs about the small steps i have done each day and keeping you up to date with my lactose free and wheat free diet and i haven’t!

I have no excuse for why i haven’t been writing them other then i have just been too lazy to even do the steps, my life has literally consisted of bad food and laying in bed binge watching tv series on Netflix. I just haven’t had the motivation to do much of anything lately! I have however am still going strong with the lactose free diet which seems to be working great, i no longer wake up feeling sick as a dog except on rare occasions now.

My panic disorder has decreased which has been fantastic! I have been thinking of things to do to get out more where a couple of months ago i would dread even thinking about going outside. I have decided that i am going to take a creative writing course next month and possibly attend a visual arts course next year if i am still feeling upto it.

I have to change my anti depresents soon which is something i am so not looking forward to! I am currently on Zoloft and Seroquel but have been told that because i don’t have schizophrenia that i am unable to claim the Seroquel on PBS anymore, Why i could before i have no idea! This really sucks because this combo has been doing wonders for me and now i have to change it all up. I am thinking of trying Mirtazapine because it has the tiredness side effect like Seroquel but it also helps with other conditions like Zoloft does in terms of OCD, Depression, Aniexty, PTSD, Panic Disorder etc. Plus it has no nasty sexual side effects which is definitely a thumbs up for me.

I have decided that instead of writing a blog everyday about my small steps i am going to write a big blog once a week on my achievements and how my mental health and diet is going. So if you would like to stick around for that please feel free to subscribe! Also if anyone has tried Mirtazapine for OCD, aniexty and panic disorders let me know how you went in the comments below.

Until then, take care and thanks for reading. 🙂