Dear Me

Dear me,

Hey Rachael I would just like to write a message to you from yourself.
I want you to know that you are strong and when I think about you and what you have been through, what you have battled, what you have achieved in life I think wow..

Wow because life has hurt you.

Wow because it would of been easier to fall to the floor and give up.

Wow because you have been down the path of self destruction and instead of staying on that deadly but security blanket safe path you turned the corner onto change.

Wow because you survived the cruelty of being bullied and pulled apart by lost Teenagers.

Wow because even though School scared the shit out of you, you rised above and became School Captain at your new school.

Wow because you lost a parent at such a young age and instead of letting it break you instead you let it help you grow and always kept a positive mind set.

Wow because even though you have been through a couple of toxic relationships you haven’t let that deprive you of loving again.

Wow because you have battled not just one mental illness but three.

Wow because whilst many people would of given up you haven’t.

Wow because even though you struggle everyday with OCD intrustive thoughts you can still manage to smile.

No wonder OCD picked you, your obviously the perfect target after keeping it together for so long there is only so much a person can take before they break.
What I really want to say Rachael is that I am so proud of you. That even though you struggle with pitch black dark thoughts that keep you up at night, that attack your mind and confuse you of your own voice that I am proud of you and I am not your OCD. Behind those dark thoughts is you, lovely, beautiful, caring you and just as you try to care for others and cringe at those dark thoughts that make you believe your a monster of some sort you are still underneath them.

You are still here, you are not them and you will get through this.

Please keep fighting Rachael, I love you.

– Yourself.

Advertisements

Monday Weekly Blogs.

image

Lately I have been very active blogging wise, and I really want to get my blog out there and known.
My Mental Health is getting a lot better and i regularly think about blogging all the time lately.
So I have decided that when I write a blog I am not going to post it straight away like I normally do, but schedule them for Monday’s at 1pm.
I hope my former blogsters and future ones will stick with me on this journey of discovery in the world and mind of someone who lives with OCD/Aniexty/Depression and Panic on a day to day basis and how you can get through it and successed no matter how lost you are. I have come a long way since when i started blogging and this is just the beginning my loves.

I know Monday’s are hard and tedious so maybe reading my blog each Monday will give you all something to look forward too!

Until then, – Rach. ❤

Today’s Step.

14/09/15

This morning i woke up and felt very panicky, noone was home and i normally would go into full blown panic and ring my mum or my best friend crying. Today i decided to keep calm have some medication and go to sleep. I used helpful self talk strategies until i fell asleep and read positive affirmations.

Do something small everyday and document it.

Panic attack icon design isolated on white. Mental health disorder symbol concept
Panic attack icon design isolated on white. Mental health disorder symbol concept

So as you guys may already know if you have read my ‘Why do i have codependency?’ blog i suffer from panic disorder, so bad so that it literally has stopped me in my tracks i am absolutely terrified of them. If you would like me to write a blog about what happens for me during a panic attack let me know in the comments below.

Anyways i went to a new physiologist for the first time yesterday and she recommend that i start doing things slowly to get back out and into life, It only has to be one thing a day and to document what i do. Since i just started a blog i thought it would be helpful for you and i to document them through here so that’s what i have decided to do. I will start with yesterdays step/achievement i say achievement because it was a MASSIVE thing for me to do.

8/09/15

So as you know i am very codependent on my ex girlfriend so much so that i use to not be able to get by without speaking to her at least six times a day via the phone or text, text alone wasn’t really that effective because if she didn’t answer i would panic and ring her anyways. So from calling six times a day down to three times and then get this yesterday i only called her twice, TWICE! That is huge for someone struggling with codependency and obsessive compulsive disorder, MASSIVE! Some people disregard how hard it is to break an obsession, an obsession alone is hard to break but for someone who is also suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, codependency and panic disorder it seems almost impossible! But guess what i did it and i feel amazing that i was able to do it when a couple of weeks ago it seemed near close to impossible!

So i will be posting one of these blogs everyday so if your interested in following me in my recovery please subscribe and join me on my journey. Some days will be good and some days not so good if i don’t manage to do anything one day please keep subscribed because i will be back, i am determined not to let this take over my life anymore!

P.S i am going to write what step i took today later tonight so keep your eyes out for that.Thanks for reading guys.

obsessed