Dear Me

Dear me,

Hey Rachael I would just like to write a message to you from yourself.
I want you to know that you are strong and when I think about you and what you have been through, what you have battled, what you have achieved in life I think wow..

Wow because life has hurt you.

Wow because it would of been easier to fall to the floor and give up.

Wow because you have been down the path of self destruction and instead of staying on that deadly but security blanket safe path you turned the corner onto change.

Wow because you survived the cruelty of being bullied and pulled apart by lost Teenagers.

Wow because even though School scared the shit out of you, you rised above and became School Captain at your new school.

Wow because you lost a parent at such a young age and instead of letting it break you instead you let it help you grow and always kept a positive mind set.

Wow because even though you have been through a couple of toxic relationships you haven’t let that deprive you of loving again.

Wow because you have battled not just one mental illness but three.

Wow because whilst many people would of given up you haven’t.

Wow because even though you struggle everyday with OCD intrustive thoughts you can still manage to smile.

No wonder OCD picked you, your obviously the perfect target after keeping it together for so long there is only so much a person can take before they break.
What I really want to say Rachael is that I am so proud of you. That even though you struggle with pitch black dark thoughts that keep you up at night, that attack your mind and confuse you of your own voice that I am proud of you and I am not your OCD. Behind those dark thoughts is you, lovely, beautiful, caring you and just as you try to care for others and cringe at those dark thoughts that make you believe your a monster of some sort you are still underneath them.

You are still here, you are not them and you will get through this.

Please keep fighting Rachael, I love you.

– Yourself.

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When the devil calls my name.

​It’s really weird this feeling I feel the only way I can explain it is as if the devil has taken my soul and I can no longer uphold.

Like the devil himself said child you shall feel defeat as I lie in this bed feeling so fucking incomplete like something bad has taken my hand help me Father for I can not stand.

Alone I feel even though I’m loved this meds are strong but my brain is already fried enough. 

I want to smile for I have all I need but deep down inside I just feel so twisted and weak.

OCD might be my devil in disguise for all the thoughts I have leave me burrowed inside.

Completely shut off I feel like a freak I can be demanding and selfish, I can be hollow and weak. 

I stare at walls and blink like the wall has a meaning but it’s actually just me looking for healing.

Help me Father for I have sinned take the devil out and let me come in.

HELLO WORLD!

Hello World!

My name is Rachael and I am just a regular 21 year old who is very interested in writing anything from short stories, reviews, daily blogs, advice, rants, poems and so much more.

I am also an aspiring and student Photographer, completing a Diploma in Photo-Imaging so I will be blogging some photographs that I take within the 2 year journey of my course.

I’m at that age where I am not sure exactly what I want to do with my life and have been given good feed back on my writing abilities so I thought that I would make a blog to see what the world thinks of my writing and if I could possibly pursue a career from it along with my photography goals.

So if your interested in helping a Newbie Blogger/Photographer out, come back and check my blog out every once and while and tell me what you think.

Thanks everyone!

Life Is Stunning In Black & White.

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I don’t think I have mentioned this before in any of my other blogs as most of my blogs that i have are based on my writing but I am and have been an aspiring Photographer from the beginning of the year.
Whilst battling with my panic and mental health issues last year i was referred to a mental health program for young people, there they help you define your goals and help you to live independently whilst living with a mental health condition.
If you have trouble with getting to appointments or need support to be somewhere they will come and pick you up and take you to the places you need to be and stay with you if need be.
Whilst diving into my goals and passions I realised that I had always had a love and flare for photography but hadn’t really ever given it a proper shot.
One of my support workers owned a professional camera and offered to take me out for supports to take photos and learn how to use a professional camera properly.
I remember holding that camera for the first time and thinking to myself “Omg I love this, I can actually see myself doing this as a career!”
Every support I went to I was always taking photos and started to make a portfolio of the progress I had made.
As days and weeks went by my medication started to work and kick in and taking photos became a daily occurrence for me, it was also giving me a reason to wake up in the morning and to be excited about.
I knew TAFE courses were going to commence soon and I was getting really sick of not doing anything with my life so I looked up some photography courses that were taking place at my local TAFE and I applied for the Diploma Of Photo-Imagining.
My beautiful Mother brought me a Cannon 500D DSLR camera for Christmas, God bless that beautiful woman and I was ready to go!

Above Is a photo I took at Swansea Caves Beach that I really love and would love to share with you, let me know what you guys think and if you like these type of blogs.

Until then, – Rach. ❤