It’s really weird this feeling I feel the only way I can explain it is as if the devil has taken my soul and I can no longer uphold.
Like the devil himself said child you shall feel defeat as I lie in this bed feeling so fucking incomplete like something bad has taken my hand help me Father for I can not stand.
Alone I feel even though I’m loved this meds are strong but my brain is already fried enough.
I want to smile for I have all I need but deep down inside I just feel so twisted and weak.
OCD might be my devil in disguise for all the thoughts I have leave me burrowed inside.
Completely shut off I feel like a freak I can be demanding and selfish, I can be hollow and weak.
I stare at walls and blink like the wall has a meaning but it’s actually just me looking for healing.
Help me Father for I have sinned take the devil out and let me come in.
Photos Taken By Me Thank You Beck For Allowing Me To Take Your Photo.
I’d introduce myself to you but I am pretty sure we know each other well enough, sure your not actively in my life anymore but as a teenager you seemed to be my only friend.
If I didn’t want to eat you wouldn’t force me, if I wanted to sleep you would sleep next to me, if I cried you would sit with me, if I wanted to die you would discuss the possibilities of how, if I cut you would tell me how deep, if I’d burn you’d control how long, if I was confused you would tell me how, if I got high you would make me numb, if I got drunk you’d be the burn I felt in my stomach and throat.
Yes it’s true you seemed like the only friend I had even though everything you dragged me through was essentially bad.
Though I’m older and more adult than before I still struggle with you at times and fall on the floor, and like you always do your dark embrace cuddles me there. I realise that being friends with you is something that I really shouldn’t reap.
Unfortunately though sometimes you swallow me hole and again I feel the emotions i felt once before.
When I was a 14-year-old girl trying to embrace the world, this time it’s different though I know the way you work so for a while I may fall under your demise but I promise you this old friend I will not fall within the abyss.
I will not let you take my hands, I will get up when you want me to sleep again, I will eat the food on my plate and this time I will keep it down and not vomit it up to lose some weight.
My skin is far too delicate to cut or burn so put that lighter and razor down there is no need to feel the burn.
I don’t need someone to cry with for I have true friends that cry with me and take my hands, they listen to me and comfort me too but they don’t have the harsh intentions, that was only you.
Depression you see it is time for me to say Goodbye to you, You may of succeed when it came to other people’s battles but for me you won’t do.
If your or someone you know is suffering with Depression please contact Beyond Blue on – 1300 22 4636