When the devil calls my name.

​It’s really weird this feeling I feel the only way I can explain it is as if the devil has taken my soul and I can no longer uphold.

Like the devil himself said child you shall feel defeat as I lie in this bed feeling so fucking incomplete like something bad has taken my hand help me Father for I can not stand.

Alone I feel even though I’m loved this meds are strong but my brain is already fried enough. 

I want to smile for I have all I need but deep down inside I just feel so twisted and weak.

OCD might be my devil in disguise for all the thoughts I have leave me burrowed inside.

Completely shut off I feel like a freak I can be demanding and selfish, I can be hollow and weak. 

I stare at walls and blink like the wall has a meaning but it’s actually just me looking for healing.

Help me Father for I have sinned take the devil out and let me come in.

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5 thoughts on “When the devil calls my name.

  1. Hmm, this post makes me think about many different things, so I’ll try and gather them all together in this one comment.

    First, this is an emotional and lovely poem (at least, I read it as such ;)). There’s a lot of different concepts involved like self-stigmatization and desperation and a reluctance to continue onwards with this condition.

    What focus does your OCD have? How does it impact your life?

    I’d also like to say that you’re certainly not weak for having any mental health issues. In fact, having to deal with those buggers makes you a hell of a lot stronger than most people. Life will get better, and you are not alone.

    If it helps, thoughts are just thoughts. Just as easily as the OCD can come up with horrendous ideas, our brains can normally create eight-eyed monsters with several tits over its body. Human brains are weird. When the OCD comes up with another thought, try waving it away and saying to yourself “that’s just my brain doing its thing again” and move towards refocusing your attention elsewhere. It’ll take time, yet you can get there.

    Above all, stay safe. ❀ ❀ xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your comment and advice it is very helpful and I do try a lot of techquies in order to get better thought wise there just little pesky buggers that keep coming back. I have however have been trying some new techquies lately that have been helping me a lot and will post about them in the future. My OCD used to be germ wise but now it is more intrusive thoughts wise and I am suffering a bit of depression atm which is why I haven’t been posting as frequently but I’m getting it all sorted and will hopefully be a lot better in a few weeks or so. πŸ™‚ Thank you for sticking with me through my journey. πŸ™‚

    Like

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