Courage.

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Hey everyone, apologies for not posting in awhile i just haven’t really felt like i have had much to write about and have been being a tad lazy lately.

So today has been an emotional day i realised today that i am feeling very much lonely not in as i don’t have anyone around type of lonely as in lonely for the romantic type. Lonely for the kisses and hugs at night, lonely for the feeling of being complete when you go to bed at night, lonely for the warmth of someone beside you, lonely for knowing that no matter what there is a person at home waiting for you and only you, lonely for the goofiness, lonely for laying in bed with that specific person and just binge watching tv series on Netflix, lonely because i don’t have a hand to hold and a voice to comfort me when I’m scared, lonely for the feeling of complete trust and admiration. Even though being lonely would be easier then having your heart smashed into a million pieces, even though being lonely is the safest bet, even though being lonely means you don’t have to answer to anyone else but you, even though being lonely means you are the source of your own happiness, being lonely sucks!
It’s like this feeling of never being fully equipped for life like there is something missing because there is no hand to hold or no lips to kiss or person to hug and even though you swore to never let another person in. Even though you built a wall around your fragile heart and marked it ‘no entry’ there comes a time when you become lonely and you want someone to come and slowly take that wall down, piece by piece. You want someone to hold your hand and kiss your lips and hug you tight and tell you everything will be alright you just know you want to love again even though it hurt so fucking much before, even though you thought it was going to kill you last time. You stand up tall and walk with a smile and you know that you have to risk it again. For falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world and this time, just maybe this time the one you have been looking for, the one who would never hurt you or leave you feeling defeat is the next person you will come across and then you will finally realise why it never worked with anyone else.

Letting that person in, giving love another chance, getting back up when you so badly want to fall, carrying on knowing that it isn’t over, knowing you will find the one.

That right there my friends, that’s courage.

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