Right now i feel like i took a massive step too fast and it is coming back on me and overwhelming me ten fold and i am panicking, and every bad, stupid, shitty thought is racing through my head and it’s on repeat in a loop. I have all these unanswered questions that come up when i feel like this, questions that shouldn’t bother me but they are right now! This is too overwhelming and too much! I feel like vomiting and crying and screaming and dying all at the same time! How the hell am i meant to get through this? Who am i kidding!? I thought i was okay with this i thought i would be okay but it is absolutely killing me seeing and reading things that i couldn’t and now i can and it’s driving me insane! I just wish everything was okay, i wish i could jump over this hurdle and everything just be normal and how it should be not this shit fear, panic, anxiety, ocd crap!
I want to be happy!
I want to have a life!
I want to feel normal!
I want to be accepting of what i cannot change!
I want to smile without the pain!
I want to be able to love again!
I want to be able to stop the pain!
I want to not care anymore!
I want to forgive!
I want to live!
I want to be fearless!
But i can’t.